Verbally Verbose

Original jokes, humor, witty sayings, sharp remarks, satires, talk back, general opinions and entertainments.

Driver Stop I Want to Piss

Posted by Felix Diamond on May 3, 2007

Barely a week after the Lagos State Government inaugurated the BRT bus, Jamil, who narrated this to me, boarded one of the bus one evening on his way home from work. The BRT bus took off from Race Course around 7.00 pm. Its final destination is Berger, at the outskirt of Lagos. As a rule, it will not stop on the way until it reached its destination. Jamil sat towards the back. In the row before him sat a dark complexion, middle-aged man, sandwiched between two ladies

Just as the bus was speeding along the Third Mainland Bridge, the man said, “Driver, please stop, I want to piss”. A few people laughed, thinking it was a joke since the bus will not stop until it reached Berger. Besides, Third Mainland Bridge is a dangerous place to stop when it is getting dark.

When the man saw that the driver did not respond, he shouted, “Conductor, tell your driver to stop for me because I want to piss”. This time, almost half of the people in the bus are laughing, thinking what kind of a joke is this. The conductor replied, “Sir, this bus stop nowhere until it reaches Berger. Until then, please hold your body”.

The man said again, “Driver, if you don’t stop for me, I will piss on the ground now. You think I am joking?” A young man from the front row gave the conductor an empty small Ragolis bottled water container. The conductor came to the man, gave it to him and said, “Sir, you can piss inside this. Don’t piss inside my bus”.

Before you know what is happening, the man unzipped his trouser, brought out his thing and started pissing inside the small container. The two ladies sitting beside him held their noses and leaned away from him while the man answers the call of nature. The bus was almost silent now, except for the noise like tap pouring water being made by the man’s piss as it poured inside the container.

Suddenly, the man said again, “Conductor, please give me another container, this one will soon fill up”. A gale of laughter swept through the whole bus, as the conductor frantically begins to ask from the passengers, “I beg please, who has more containers for pissing in?” Fortunately for everybody, just as the piss filled the container to the neck, it stopped.

The man corked the container, put his thing back, and zipped up. He leaned towards the lady by his side, slides the window open, and was about to throw outside the container and its urinary contents, when a gale of protests broke out from some of the passengers. “You can’t throw it out, Mr. Man. Don’t litter the road”, protested one young man. A lady towards the front row said, “Oga, put it inside your pocket. When you get home, show it to Madam and tell her the feat you performed in the bus today”.

Having now emptied his bladder, the man felt relieved, but realising what he has just done, he was ashamed. He said to no one in particular, “I’m not ashamed anyway. I’ve done what I wanted to do. So, anyone who likes should keep looking at me. As for me, I’m not ashamed”.

Eventually, when the man saw that nobody was paying him attention again, he quickly opened the window, and threw out the container with the urine. What a day!

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