Verbally Verbose

Original jokes, humor, witty sayings, sharp remarks, satires, talk back, general opinions and entertainments.

Nothing Goes for Nothing

Posted by Felix Diamond on April 26, 2007

While trying to avoid traffic jam along Lagos-Abeokuta express way on my way home yesterday night, I have to make a U-Turn at Ikeja Airport and head to Oba Akran, made another U-Turn at the end of Oba Akran to connect the road beside Guinness that leads to Agege. What is the name of the road? I always find it difficult remembering it.

As I drove near the illegal tollgate on the road, I began to feel some annoyance within me. I normally have this feeling anytime I drove through this road. Why? There is no reason why a tollgate should be there in the first instance, and secondly, a few years ago, this present government abolished all tollgates in the country. But some corrupt officials in Ikeja local government in connivance with the Police maintained this illegal tollgate.

I debated within myself whether I should pay the toll fee or not. Sometimes I pay; sometimes I do not, depending on my mood. It seems I am in no mood to pay this time. The toll fee is N10 for cars. I remembered that the lowest denomination of Naira in my pocket is N500, and I will be damned if I break it for N10 sake.

I thought of zooming off without giving them any money; sometimes it works. But then I remembered one night when one Mercedes car in my front zoomed off without paying them, and unknown to the driver, the toll attendant put the iron spike under the back wheel of the car. There was a puncture, but the driver knew not since he was using a tubeless tyre. I don’t want to risk puncturing my tyre.

I checked the front pocket of my shirt, and I saw what I was looking for, and smiled. As I reached the tollgate I took it out of my pocket, folded it neatly until it became very small, and held it in the palm of my left hand. I deliberately slowed down so that there was much distance between me and the car in my front. A cop was standing beside the tollgate attendant to intimidate motorists to pay. The attendant held his iron spike, with the spikes facing up on the ground to warn motorists of the consequence of not paying.

Pay Them Back In Their Own Coin

As I drove through, I stretched out my closed left palm without slowing down. The attendant stretched out his own hand to collect the fee, and I dropped the content of my palm into his hand, and zoomed off.

I watched his reaction from my side mirror. When he saw what I gave him, he was furious, shooting his hand sporadically into the air, swearing and cursing at the same time. I had a good laugh. What I gave him was the receipt given to me in a restaurant earlier in the day when I bought some meat-pie and doughnuts.


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